“Silence is the language
of god,
all else is poor
translation.”
- Rumi
 |
| Nullabor desert |
This story starts with a
very small part of myself, which made very large, contends, competes with and
destroys nature.
We shall start at the
past, as the past seems to explain most things, if not to give us information
we can practically use - at least we can remember and die without any
unanswered questions.
======================================================================
Part 1 - 40,000
trillion, trillion, trillion thousands of earth years BC:
The Beginning of
my-time - Our home, our ether, our Noren
I am a spirit. I am
ether. I am both a spirit in identity from the ether and the ether itself. The
ether could be called God but present notions of god are not accurate to depict
what god was to me then, as myself, as the ether, both one and many.
I was called to a
council. I have been placed in charge of the rudimentary duty of punishment.
When a spirit deviates from the presence of god, I simply remove and delete
their essence. The ether that was them still exists but they, as who they
thought they were, is no longer. This may seem like a rather draconian measure,
but I assure you, it is the simplest and most effective measure to maintain
order in the Kingdom.
Yes, we have a king, his
name is Oregon and he forms new spirits, new identities from the ether and
gives them their limited form of freewill to come and go as they please within
our realm of ether. Oregon is king for this reason and no other, he did not
achieve the position through skill or by being born into the right family, he
is king because he does what any king does and that is form the populace from
the ether. He is the first identity in our realm and that affords a duty and
this duty affords a privelege and this privelege is limited to a revered label
and this label affords a hightened level of respect.
There are other realms
that are not of our realm. These are vaguely known to the king and his primary
identities only. The rest of the populace remains completely unaware of
possible realms that aren't made of what we are or that do not subsist on what
we subsist on. These realms are impossible to the greater populace of Noren. I
am one of the primary identities, thus I am entrusted with great knowledge
because of my great duty which I have been ordained for which affords me the
label of Head Excallar and with that, the hightened level of respect such a
name deserves.
I am the 5th Head
Excallar. I must clear up any confusion, there is no death but that which the
Excallar brings and this death is by no means final nor painful. It just is.
The reason I am the 5th Head Excallar is because the others (whom shall not be
named) were deleted by the king himself. Out of the 226 deletions that have
happened in our realm I have been responsible for 56. The king himself has been
responsible for only four, the previous four Excallars.
There is an
exponentially growing trend in Excallar recants. The last Excallar recanted
after only 24 deletions, and the 3rd after only 44.
I am an anomaly as far
as the king is concerned, he is pleased with my obedience and has rewarded me
with an exonerable place next to him in his room of thrones where the primary
identities meet for council. I must admit, to maintain the consistency I have
maintained has not been easy and seeing essences of identities dissolve back
into the ether at the whim of my staff somewhat dis-settles my thoughts.
Because the king represents the ether and is the first child of the ether, he
can see my thoughts, he can see all our thoughts. He has and can see the battle
I go through in my thinking and the process for change that I must pull myself
through on a daily basis but he has promised me my essence will not fail. I
catch glances of him looking at me with a sort of awe and admiration, a look I
do not understand.
=======================================================================
“in times like the
present, men should utter nothing for which they would not willingly be
responsible through time and eternity.”
― Abraham Lincoln
Chapter 2 -
60,000,000,000 cycles forward in 'time' - The big decision
In recent cycles, the
identity populace of Noran has been growing exponentially into the trillions of
thousands. The king has authorised and taught 60,000 heads of creation to
create identities along side him in the Agatha Crysalis.
This has resulted in
automatic promotion of many heads of creation in a self-autonomous cycle of
identity creation and governance. I have under my wing a modest entourage of
60. This is enough to delete the current rate of recants as this has levelled
to a meager 5 per cycle. Don't get me wrong, our job as the Excallars is far
from easy, we are to watch the thoughts of every individual identity 11 to 44
of each cycle's inner concentric permutation. This makes us the nearest to God,
our father, our King - because only he can see every thought of every
individual and keep track with his million mind-sayers. He has explained to me,
his success in creating such a stable Excallar as myself has been the key
reason for such abundance in a flourishing autonomous multi-governanced
community. The king has even declared to his Heads of Identity in the Room of
Thrones that other Kingdoms of other realms have requested advice on tending to
their own individual identity production because of our success as one of the
most abundant communities the multi-ether-verse has to serve the all.
In recent times, I have
been consumed in thoughts of myself, leaving my duties to my accomplices and
subjects in the Excallar community. The kings special look of admiration and
awe has not changed when he looks at me in all these cycles. I feel like god himself,
like the king himself. Why would he look at me so if he weren't the slightest
bit afraid of me? I ask myself, and as I stare into a mirrorlike device we use,
I look into those commanding eyes and hallucinate in the self impregnated glory
I wallow in, as I, in all my inner turmoil have created a way to veil my
thoughts from God himself. Our Lord, the King knows this but has let it go
unpunished because I am to him a necessary phenomena to the success of his
kingdom, the key.
The King called the Head
Identities to a council in the Room of Thrones. He had a plan that required
complete and unconditional submission by all of his creations, especially me,
being his key to such a successful and prosperous community/kingdom. His plan
was to compound and compact all the trillions of identities he has created in
the ether to make for each one a one cell reality and these one cell realities
are to create and manifest a material world of substance.
This idea was revolution
and there were many dissenting parties among the higher ranks of the
identities, especially the Dantes. The king expected this as he could see the
diplacement of responsibility and power it would cause among the classes of
Heads, he could see their thoughts before they happened, he could see all of
them except for mine. I secretly thought of myself as the king of this material
world but kept this in a special place I knew the king could not pierce with
his vision.
The King adjourned the
meeting, to reconvene in a single cycle to give all head Identities a chance to
see what he sees without forcing their essence.
I spent this cycle
dreaming of my creations, of this material world within my grasp, within my
power. I dreamed of the power of all these trillions of identities at the
behest of my whim. My dreams oozed into the ether pool in my chamber and I felt
a tinge of fear that this was too far, that this was too much and that the king
would see.
If I was seeing in my
mind rationally I would have known that the king could see everything that
manifested in the ether and that my secret was not secret, but I had convinced
myself that it was secret and he could not see. My narcissism blinded my reason
and restricted my abilities to veil my thoughts.
I only received one
confirmation the King might possibly know what was going through my well locked
mind. I sensed a presence near me when I was dreaming into the ether pool but
this could have been anyone or anything and I in my narcissistic ignorance
decided it was nothing, that nothing could see me or what I had conceived and
that I was safe, alone and secret.
=======================================================================
“Speak when you are
angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
- Ambrose Bierce
Chapter 3 - The King's
Plan
The King reconvened the
council from the previous cycle to vote on the proposal of the creation of a
material reality.
To the Head Identities
surprise the king placed the material reality into the pool of Amnios. This is
an inter-realm within the ether where the King is not king and we all, as
identities are equal and can call the shots on any decision within the kingdom
whether small, large or revolutionary. He uses this realm to test our devotion,
loyalty and trust in his infinite wisdom and power; challenging the ethics and
structure of our ether realm: the King and the rules that govern the way our
realm is glued together.
The vote proceeded. A
floating coloured counter kept track of the votes in the centre of the pool we
together inhabited. All votes were simultaneous and instant, everyone had voted
to the affirmative having seen the kings wisdom in the creation of the material
realm.
I, in that moment was
completely and utterly silent without thought and even absent, blind to all
else hidden within my secret realm which not-even the king can see.
Within - my own personal
realm which I have established exists without requirement of ether, I pondered
the ability and consequences of my single vote or catalystical divergence from
the voting structure - and what an opportunity when the voting was being held
in the pool of Amnios.
===
"I cannot believe
what the King has done," Phargus exclaims.
"Yes, our world can
become the governor of the King of the ether's reality!" Sentry gives his
advice, "How could he have been so stupid?"
"Surely, he knows
what he has done." Sintle speaks.
Little does it know but
the council of my own multi-ether-verse within, convenes for its final time.
The five inter-identities: Phargus, Sentry, Sintle, Sope, and Leria - give
their quick minds on what is and what could become.
"Yes, he knows. He
knows our realm exists. He knows he cannot delete this vessel, this Head
Excallar because it has learned to subsist on something that is not him, that
is not ether. But he is not afraid." Sope entreats.
A colourful spiral
expands exhuberantly and flashing with each syllable, "I! Leria! Show us
power! Show us control! If these two words have a definition it is within this
new material realm. Care not that the King knows of our intentions! Be informed
this may be our only chance to change the order of things!" Leria shouts
with exhuberance. The spectacular show of energy shakes the others to their
feet and all five raise their hands in the affirmative gesture to show
enthusiastic agreeance, committing to the course of action.
===
I emerge from my
self-induced stupor. All ten thousand million eyes and forms of vision and
seeing are trained on me in the pool of Amnios. Rage ingests my heart at the
thought of ever having been controlled or created by such a stupid and ignorant
autocrat. I stand, smile and declare without hesitation -
"I consent but on
one condition - Of this realm, this new realm, this material reality - I AM
KING!"
I engineer an echo to my
last words using my superior knowledge of the ether to drive my demand home,
shockwaves spread throughout the pool starting in disbelief and proceeding into
chaos. I have done the unthinkable, I have recanted the Kings authority, I, the
Head Excallar with an impenetrable mind, have finally done what all Head Excallars
have done before me. I have done what no other could possible conceive without
detection, and I have done it in the pool of Amnios.
At the raising of a
hand, the King commences his last and final words, "I will ALWAYS be King
of the material at ether level in this realm, and now that you have declared
your position as king of the material IN MY REALM, you have exposed your own
mind under lock and key and you will remain chained to the material, my
material, for as long as you retain the desire to control and possess it,"
he pauses for a break looking through every Head Identity as if they were
ornaments sitting on a stone wall.. silence inhabits the pool of Amnios like a
haunting glow, "MY place is silence, and you: YOU want to be King!?"
He generates derisively, "you CAN be King! Here is YOUR world! " He
points upwards to a spiralling light burst expanding outward rapidly, "And
I, I remain, in the inbetween, deep within and as the darkest darkness of
silence." The Kings eyes are stern, serious, surreal and glowing.
And then without further
debacle, it happens:
the big bang.
============================================================================================================
??
??-
??-
??-
-
-
??30,000 BC Mesopotamia
- Part God, Part Man - Enki
-
-
-
-
-
-
??“Silence is only
frightening to people who are compulsively verbalizing.”
? William S. Burroughs
10,000 BC Egypt
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
???200 AD Rome
??-
??-
??-
??-
??-
??-
================================================================================================
“Never tell your
problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have
them.”
- Lou Holtz
Diary - December 22nd,
2017 - AD
"Kien, can you pass
the salt please?"
I stare into oblivion,
hoping a gust of transient inter-dimensional gas will suck me out into another
of the many multi-ether-verses that exist within, around and in-between.
"Sure."
I pass the salt.
My thoughts of what is, my
desire to search for meaning, my wish to make it all complete within is clouded
and blocked by the mundanity of my monotonous life of procedure.
6:00am - Awake!
Read until
7:00am - Shower, Shave,
Dress, Iron, Coffee, Shit
8:00am - Awake the
remainder of house inhabitants if not already awake, dress children, feed
children, kiss girlfriend
9:00am - Leave for
Office
12:00pm - Lunch, call
girlfriend
5:00pm - Leave Office
5:30pm - Home, kids,
park, listen, play
6:30pm - dinner
7:30pm - kids shower,
teeth
8:00pm - kids bed,
possible free time to watch a movie, clean something or spend two hours putting
kids back to bed after repeated awakenings
10:00 - sleep and/or
fuck and/or fool around and/or intellectually debate with girlfriend before
passing out into a sometimes child interrupted sleep.
This is five and
sometimes six days per week.
My dreams of becoming a
rockstar have been squashed by the reality of, reality. Woe is me.
Sometimes my thoughts
wander into space and I consult our god Google on the answers of conspiracy
subjects that vaguely interest me. The kids are particularly receptive to my
moments of reflection and seemingly enter or obstruct silence at opportune moments
of apparently private critical realisation. I feel debased and without purpose
when this happens and have resorted to simply giving up on what I think is
important and react instinctively by mimicking my children's currently
exhibited personality, forcefully forgetting this inkling of a deep secret I
feel underlies all of my being.
=======================================================================
Diary - 16 March, 2020 -
Life realization 1
The world is falling
apart, global warming, technology, artificial intelligence provides answers and
creates more problems than we had before, people are getting more and more
stupid intellectually and emotionally relying on technology to hold up the
falling facade of humanity's habitual reality, but the seasons do not stop,
plants still grow in the ground, flamingos still do a migration to cyprus to
eat pink shrimp creatures in the salt lakes.
My life has entered a
perfect state of numbness, I see my actions as systems of behaviour that must
be followed without deviation. Even my enjoyment I seem to sit back and watch
myself as though watching a movie on a big screen. I have become detached,
somehow I think, I always was.
I feel there are pieces
of myself scattered all the way throughout time. I look at one person doing
their thing in life and for a moment I want to become them, and by the day is
out, I simply shake off the desire because I have simply stated within,
"This is not me."
I once became obsessed
with the idea that the universe was egocentric, centred around well, me. This
lasted for about 2 years and I only shook out of it because of an executive
sales trip (holiday) I went on to South Africa. "It will be fun,"
they said, "you'll enjoy yourself and forget everything," they
said... I believed them, still entwined with invisible wires to my egocentric
bubble of a universe.
A boy looked at me
through the taxi window. We were stopped at some lights in the outskirts of
Johannesburg driving from the airport. The main highway was blocked, so the
driver took the back streets.
His eyes pierced all
veils. I sensed this. All I saw was rage.
It wasn't the nicest
district I've ever seen. Infact, a moment ago we were driving through a field
of mud-hobbles. So this suburb wasn't really a highbrow existence. The boy's
face, his eyes, they said one thing - "What have you done? You have
created this... 'I' am in this reality and 'I' am in pain."
My reaction - That night
I started drinking again after not having had a swig of my favorite scotch for
15 years. With the alchohol came a completely washed sense of re-renewal and a
feeling and knowing - "I don't want to be the centre of the universe any
more."
===================================================================
“What's the use of
complaining about something you have no intentions of changing it?”
- Mario L Castellanos
Diary - 14th February,
2030
Finally I have some time
to myself, the kids have grown up and have decided to take the wheel of their
own lives in this material reality.
After a recent
Vippassana meditation Sue and I, after all these years, finally have the time
for, I have been led to the realisation or at least the semi-realisation
(enough to see the general framework of the truth.. (SHHH! Get to the point!))
and I have discovered the meaninglessness of understanding reality.
And after all this, I've
come to the conclusion - with all that is wrong and as much as I've tried to
change anything, nothing can be done. I chose to take control, I chose to
acquire responsibility and duty and through this I have discovered I am as much
controlled by my own creation as I have desired to control it.
Something I've done long
ago has led me to this, I don't know what, but I feel it in my essence.
There is no end, only I
can be silent and this is as good as any 'end' I could ever hope to become.
This realm will go on
for as long as I speak or think and the ability for self-deletion is my ability
to be silent within, without and everywhere.
Unfortunately, I have
too many billboards, websites, books and minds repeating words and ideas I have
spoken headily throughout the ages and those words and ideas have a time limit
and the process of my-time will run for as long as all that I have done, said
and conceived lasts in all of its infinitesimal strains in this material
reality. As long as I react with words and ideas to what is already here, I
simply perpetuate time and prolong my existence and while I do not enjoy my
existence this prolongation feels forced. I am forced by my own decisions, my
own reasoning and reactions, on automatic running into the present - to exist.
My debt bank of reality
value is well backed up, and I either accept my self-ordained servitude or
pretend to be a slave to something I inevitably perpetuate with my reaction of
self-inflicted oppression displacement.
"Wallow in your
intellect Kien. Wallow, that's what you've always done, why will you do any
different now?"
I must train my reality
to be silent before I can attain true silence. "Teach by example,"
bladiblah, blomdeblom libela lobella lou!
My deletion I crave.
.. and it is not as simple
as death.
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